![]() ![]() The one big downer in all of this is my voice. It fuels the imagination, it embraces curiosity, it encourages hope and instigates change. Instead of imagining that it is changing me as a person, I see it instead as watching a grey world turn colour. At points I have felt like a new life has been trying to burst forth from me, a cornucopia of new emotions, hopes, possibilities, where the negative effects of testosterone are becoming so foreign to my mind state that the estrogen effects are creating a whole new world for me. Part of it is clearing up the initial hormonal malaise and taking steps to improve my quality of life, part of it is being able to look at myself in the mirror and having more of a reason to smile. ![]() Dysphoria is still on the wane, being replaced with giddy high-pitched energy and a still growing desire to dance. Aside the first week after getting the T-blocker injection which causes intense soul bleeding, I’m still feeling better and better. Not enough to display cleavage without special effort yet, should I ever wish to do that. My breasts, though still basically invisible, squish together almost convincingly in certain stances. My features are much softer my torso, though chunky and mannish, displays undoubtedly feminine curves. When I take my clothes off, I now at least see the trans woman that I am. It can be in as little as a few minutes that I perceive my face from looking reasonably female-like to perceiving a very obviously male face. These things really make a difference now. That said, what my face looks like changes considerably at different times of the day, the femininity of which depending on my rest, diet, water intake, and lighting. Interestingly though I don’t feel it in my mind’s eye without a mirror I figure myself looking as entirely masculine, and sometimes I have to look in the mirror quite a few times to connect with how my face looks now. For example, this is by far the coldest winter of my life because my skin is thinner, even though in actual terms the temperature has been fairly average. The other changes I’ve noticed have been more experential. My boobs are much more painfully tender now when touched.ĭay 148 – The hair on my arms and legs really is less coarse. They can’t be explained without pouring over microscopic evidence, but now more than ever, when I look at most of my body I can really see it.ĭay 126 – Testicles seem about 60% of original size My hips have grown so much that I have to pull trousers around my hips to get them on Weight is much more difficult to lose, but my waist still seems slimmer My breasts are shinier and squishier.ĭay 132 – Wearing a bra is no longer optional, especially if I intend to run down stairs, because ouch.ĭay 145 – My head hair is growing very quickly, while most body hair (except facial, public and nipple) is growing in slower and more sparesly the breast pain has expanded past my areola. ![]() This month I’ve had the least to write about, yet I’ve experienced the most profound changes. So I have this little journal where I write down distinguishing HRT changes as I notice them. ![]()
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